My Traumatic Experience

Of Facebook.

I signed up last night, against my better judgement, for facebook. I was immediately informed that I had been added as a friend by copious numbers of Middle Eastern totalitarian dictators, and various other sinister-sounding characters, including at least 40 Muhammads, Mohammeds, and other similarly prophetically-named folk. Needless to say, all were accepted, as I embrace any opportunity to broaden my horizons and make new friends!

Moving on, before I'd even had a chance to get my bearings in the unnecessarily complicated world of facebook, the site decided it was somewhat opposed to continuing to function. I was left stranded on the page that was asking for my school, college and company, presumably for the benefit of the Middle Eastern dictators. After clicking and clicking on the misnomer of a 'Save and Continue' button for several hours, I discovered the Settings link in the top right corner. I was overjoyed, an escape into the universe of beautifully simplistic technicalities! A release from the gruelling monotony of typing the name of my school over and over again!

I made my way to the Language tab, and after experimenting with Gaeilge (most of which I was, surprisingly, able to understand) and Pirate English, which was temporarily amusing enough that I managed to make my way to my Home Port and add a couple of Hearteys and Mateys who weren't likely to track me down and kill me.

However, despite the slight enjoyment I had from Ye Olde Facebooke's piracy, it soon betrayed me once more, a most grievous betrayal I was simply unable to forgive it for.

Being your typical over-dramatic self-absorbed teenage girl, or wench as facebook would describe me, one of my main ambitions was to achieve internet fame of sorts by plastering images of myself in awkward poses with my face distorted into some variety of fashionable grimace, all over the internet.
Facebook denied me the realisation of this dream, by failing to grant me the ability to designate myself a profile picture.

I could no longer bear the humiliation and utter devastation facebook forced on me, and after promptly restoring my language to English English, I found myself capable of removing my profile and soon did so, stating my reason for leaving as "I've had enough of these shenanigans!"

It wouldn't do to give them the satisfaction of constructive feedback, nor the ability to correct the issues that forced me to leave.